Well, it has been forever since I have posted on anything so.... I thought I would post a journal entry because I am too lazy to write it!(I have been doing too much homework lately). This may have bad grammar and punctuation so sorry. I fractured my sacrum in three places nearly six weeks ago and it has been an emotional journey. I never thought that breaking your back could take that much of an emotional toll on you, but for me, it did.
It happened tubing over in Bear Lake with some friends over New Year's... we decided to try this hill that was close to the Inn and great for the kids because we were afraid the "Sinks" would be packed. (they were by the way! Dustin checked as we went by in the ambulance!) Dustin made a little trail up the hill with the snowmobile through the sagebrush to get us started. I remember being grumpy when I saw the hill and I told Dustin that it wasn't a very safe hill to tube on, especially for the kids. He told me to quit being ornery and try to have fun. Have fun is what I did until I got hurt! I attempted sledding with Ella for our first run and I am not a good sled driver.... I ended up burying the poor kid in the snow! A few people went down and we started to pave a pretty good path down the hill. The problem with the hill was, it came down for a ways, flattened out slightly and then dropped about 8-10ft down into a ditch. The hill into the ditch wasn't super steep so it was perfect for the kids to tube on because it wasn't a really big hill either. We will call them the "big" hill and the "little" hill. After a few people started to pave a good path down the big hill I decided to go again. This time I made it all the way to the flat part, hit the little bump before it goes down the "little" and did a couple backward somersaults down it. I jumped up ready to go again but Dustin wanted to go. When he came down he continued down the little hill and hit the edge of the ditch and jumped and landed flat on the road. It took him a few minutes to get back up. He hiked back up the hill and told me "no more." For those of you who know me well know that I don't listen to my husband well! I don't think I like being told what to do because I am kind of stubborn that way. Anyway, a few more people went... Dylan went and bailed before the "little" hill, Rex crashed and burned...then Jake...he had a beautiful run! He made it all the way down the "big" hill and gracefully coasted down the "little" hill and glided across the road! It was awesome! I remember thinking, "I can do that." So, Dylan went again and as he hiked back up I asked if I could go again. I grabbed the tube and hiked back to the very top of the hill. I climbed on the tube and headed down with Mandy video taping the entire thing on her phone. I remember coming down the hill and feeling "the rush" with the only problem being not knowing how fast I was actually going. The next thing I remembered was a face full of snow and waking up in pain eating blood. I don't remember everything exactly besides the fact that I was laying on the edge of the road and feeling the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I wanted to move, I wanted to get up and walk it off, but it wasn't happening. I remember people around me and the taste of blood. I remember Amy asking me if I could move my legs and wiggle my toes which I could. I wanted to lay there and wait for the pain to go away so I could get up and continue on with my day....I couldn't. I remember someone calling the ambulance, I could hear there voice in the background...I think it was Travis. I couldn't really make sense of what was going on and I remember apologizing for doing it. Rex told me I have bragging rights cuz I got some great air! (I have never had any reservations when tubing. I am kind of a go big or go home type of person!) I remember lying on the ground and no one would let me move, I was so frustrated....and cold. I started to shiver so someone put a coat on me...I think. It helped a lot. I remember feeling like I had been lying there, in the snow for ages.
Finally, I can hear sirens! Dustin was giving me a play by play because I was laying there, facing away from the road and couldn't see anything. I remember the EMTs coming up to me and a police officer and they introduced themselves and began asking me questions. How many kids I have, my name, where I was, the date....all of those "awake and oriented" questions. The next hour or so is the worst of it all. I knew what the "log roll" consisted of and I was terrified when they put the c-collar on and were ready to get me on the backboard. "1-2-3 roll..." the pain was EXCRUCIATING. I think I yelled out in pain but I'm not sure. They strapped me on...they tried getting me to cross my arms but the pain was too much. I had to hold on to the edge of the backboard to help ease some of the pain. They picked me up and I remember seeing sky....I saw Rex on my right and Dustin on my left along with the EMTs. I was so scared of someone slipping and dropping me on the ground! Once in the ambulance I remember them cutting off my clothes (even in that much pain I thought about how they were cutting off my favorite new shirt and my favorite fleece pants...but they were NOT cutting off my favorite bra)! They had everything cut, but the hardest part is getting it out from underneath me. They pulled my boots off my feet which was super painful on the right side. I remember screaming in pain AGAIN (I don't scream) when they pulled my snowpants off. I remember actually getting "comfortable" with a pillow under my right hip and under my right knee. The drive was horrific...the corners in the canyon were almost unbearable going 60mph and I remember when the pain would hit on the corners, the EMT would yell, "slow down" to the driver. They had to pull over three times for an IV attempt... two in the hand and the succesful one in my left antecubital. I remember hanging on to each of the EMTs legs to brace my body so it didn't shift side to side as we went around the corners. They were so friendly and nice and talked to me the entire way down. I remember telling myself to breath deeply and focus on that instead of the pain. Finally, now that I have an IV, I can get some pain medicine! Morphine is what they carry and I will take anything at this point. I have been in the ambulance for what felt like forever and I was so ready to just be at the hospital so the corners will stop. The morphine helped for about 10 minutes and the pain was back however, we were too close to the hospital for them to be able to give me more.
We got to the hospital and they took me to a room, the Nurse Practitioner came in and checked my neck and was able to take the c-collar off so I could finally look around. By this point, the pain was still bad, but I was comfortable on the backboard...but to check everything, I must come off. EXCRUTIATING pain returns....backboard to sliderboard. Spine checked, labs drawn and more pain meds given. Morphine again...pain relief not happening....Delotid...barely touches it. Sent for x-rays and the techs were so nice....I see them at work. They were very careful and so good when moving me around to get the images they needed. Back to room, still in lots of pain. Fever...now the doc is worried and wow, I actually get to see him while I am here...ear infection...start antibiotics. Pain is still not under control...Unable to even sit up in my bed...Vallium and Toradol...thank you! Why not also make someone who fell maybe 15ft get up and sit on a commode so we can check for a UTI because back pain may also be a symptom of that as well. Doctor...Douche...I am totally faking and seeking drugs since I am in the ER all the time. Muscles and ligaments...take time to heal and I want you out of here. Four hours later...adios from the hospital.
One week later... I am thinking I am being a big wimp if it is only muscles and ligaments and I am scheduled to work today so I am going...on crutches. I get to work and I am feeling pretty good...1,000grams Ibprofen...great for the kidneys. Arrive a work at 6:56am...it takes me 8 minutes of pain to walk through the stupid parking lot and clock in....ticked off. I get to the unit and Dana takes one look at me and says, "are you ok?" Just muscles and ligaments right? of course I am fine. By 9:30am the pain is coming back and I am pale and sweating and can barely walk. Dr. Sheffield (awesome guy) tells me that fractures can show up days later and I need to be an advocate for myself and if it was only muscles and ligaments I probably would be in less pain and walking a little better than I was. (he told me his 75 year old parent's were more agile than me!) I called Dr. Peterson's office (orthopedic specialist who I didn't have an appt with for another week) and left a message on machine crying by this point because the pain was getting out of control. Called Primary care doc...can't get me in for another two weeks but, they can refer me to a doc who deals with this type of thing more...Vikas Garg at cache valley hospital...pain specialist. Made an appt for 1:30pm so I hung out at work. At 12:30pm Peterson's office called back and scheduled an MRI ASAP and told me to call downstairs to see when they could get me in...right away! I headed down...horrific 20 minutes laying on my back. They pulled me out and asked how long I have been getting around on crutches and sometimes not)...one week. They told me it was not in my head, I had "sacral trouble" and I needed to see a doctor today. Called Garg's office because I am ten minutes late, and they told me to come over and they would squeeze me in. He was good and wanted to do an injection...me not knowing any better said ok because it is now tuesday and we were flying to California wednesday for my brother's Marine graduation which was on friday. Injection done...feeling better but apparently looking like shiz...pale...sweaty. Husband and mother will not let me go. Cancelled all reservations and plane tickets. That really sucked and I bawled my eyes out over it. I am actually pretty sure that I bawled for almost a week straight. No answers from Dr. office, don't know what to do, how to walk, sleep, sit, etc. Just keep taking the vallium and Hydrocodone as prescribed. Dustin's family was so good to help with the girls and I am too drugged to remember the first week at all and not a lot during the second week. I cried...ALOT... I was still in a lot of pain, I knew I had fractures, and I was terrified that I was going to do more damage because no one was giving me answers as to what I should be doing. Call Peterson's office the next morning to ask what activities were safe...another message. They didn't call back until Thursday afternoon..."if it hurts, don't do it".... awesome. Laundry all done and now hurting worse than ever. Resort to sitting on the couch until after I see the doctor on January 16th. Continue sitting on the couch, two crutches to get around, and try walking in a swimming pool in two weeks. Not much to go on...continue sitting on the couch and schedule a second opinion on January 31st. More proactive doctor and very knowledgable. Start walking with one or no crutches while at home and take them or someone with me if I go out. I opted to start walking around with one crutch to play it safe. The emotions over the last few weeks have been all over. From the second week and finding the fractures, I almost felt like my life had ended. I know that sounds crazy, but when life as you know it suddenly stops and you can't take care of your own kids, it is the worst thing in the world. I went from crying to doubting life as I knew it would ever come back. It was very taxing on me and I don't know how to explain it.
Update today 02/13/13: walking with no crutches and my x-rays looked good. All fracture lines are still lined up and will continue to heal. I should see a vast improvement over the next two weeks and I am anticipating returning to work on March 4th. Sorry I cut the second half short. It was getting sooo long. I am in a very different emotional state now and I don't even know how to begin to tell you the emotions that have gone through me over the past 5 weeks. I am so grateful for where I am now and for my faith in the Lord that has helped me continue on and to know that everything will be ok. His ha been a humbling experience for me and I hope to never go through it again. I have felt like I don't deserve any empathy or sympathy because I chose not to listen to Dustin when he said no more and I knew that the hill wasn't very safe yet I still chose to take the tube and try again. Thank you to everyone for your help with EVERYTHING. The meals brought in, help with the girls, cleaning, driving to where I needed to go. It has helped so much more than you will ever know. So sorry this was a novel and I hope it makes sense, I haven't proof read it at all.